Four years...

I've had an AWESOME week in workouts but instead of talking about my workouts today, I'd rather talk about one of the most important things to me in the world, my marriage.

I don't really know where I'm going with this other than the fact that I want to get something off my chest. I'm alone tonight as the husband works another 24hr shift, and writing is therapeutic for me in his absence, so giddy up, here I go.

I guess the first thing I want to say is that in our four short years of marriage, my life is completely different then what I pictured it would be like when I walked down the aisle to greet my then future husband. In four years, we have moved from Virginia, to Georgia, back to Virginia, and now to North Carolina. My husband gave up his dream of being a lawyer to enlist as an infantryman in the Army. We have a beautiful son, another child on the way, and own a home in North Carolina of all places.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't happy at the outcome of the past four years. I am so blessed that sometimes I actually bust out with a spontaneous happy dance in front of my husband. And then I air hump him, haha. That's how happy I am. But I'd also be lying if I said that the past four years have been easy, marriage is a cakewalk, and that being a wife to a soldier is a walk in the park. Because it most definitely is not.

As we approach our four year anniversary, I've realized that this past year has been one of the toughest years on our marriage. I know I have a lot of military wives, fiances, and girlfriends reading so I hope I'm not discouraging anyone when I write this, but it finally dawned on to me that one of the biggest reasons why this year was so rough on us was because my husband's job. Don't get me wrong, I love his job and will forever support his career in the Army. He has one of the toughest jobs in the military, it takes a certain caliber of a man to do what he does and he just happens to do it so damn well. It makes me happy that he has found his calling and words fail me when I try to express how proud I am of him. I am also grateful that his job provides us with a steady income, a roof over our head, and food on our table. But to be frank, between Ranger school, being deployed, working 13-18 hours a day, constantly being bombarded by phone calls, text messages, getting called in on weekends, being out in the field with no communication for weeks at a time, and future trainings that will take him away for months, things have undeniably changed for us.

It doesn't help that in four years we have changed so much, and that in the past year we spent so much time away from each other, we've changed even more. The hunk had a terribly rough deployment, and I had one of the loneliest summers of my life. Yes, I had a lot of fun with friends, but there is only so much of a void that friends can fill when half your heart is off fighting a war. And yes, I was obviously happy to be able to spend my days sun up and sun down with my amazing child. But there is only so much conversation you can have with a baby before you start to realize it's like talking to a wall.

We've definitely had a lot to overcome this year, and we're still working on it. And I guess that right there is my point. The fact that we are still working on getting to know each other again, assimilating our lives with a child together again, going to counseling, and compromising with each other about our different issues, is why I'm writing this. I realized that even if I don't have the picture perfect marriage, I am so lucky to be married to a man who is willing to fight for an almost perfect marriage. I realized that I am thankful for this man who has so much on his plate at work, only to come home to work even harder to keep us happy. I realized that I have been selfish and that I should thank him more. I mean, who am I to complain when this man has gone through SO much yet still comes home with a smile on his face everyday?

And now I really know where I was going with this blog post...

To the amazing man I married four years ago, I wrote this because writing is the best way for me to verbalize how I really feel and because I know you'll check this first thing in the morning before you come home. I want to thank you. Thank you for fighting for us. Thank you for being you, for being a wonderful husband and father in spite of how much crap you go through at work and how much crap I give you at home. I want to thank you for being strong, and for making our history together worth fighting for and all the more worth it. This past year has taught me that you and I can survive anything, and just like you said, that it means we're definitely in it for the long haul.

Throughout everything we've been through in the past year and the past four years, I can still envision us sitting on our porch, on a tropical island somewhere, holding hands and growing old together. I made the best decision of my life walking down that aisle four years ago and I thank you for making me still feel this way after all this time.

So yes, a happy fourth anniversary to us indeed. And a happy anniversary to us for the rest of our lives together. I love you, babe.